20 Days

I was born to be a teacher. When a student finally "gets it," that just makes my day!  Heck, sometimes my year!  The stories the kids share often have me laughing my head off or crying my eyes out.  Notes that tell me I'm their favorite teacher mean so much...even though I know next year another teacher will receive the same note.  The notes that tell me she wishes I could be her mom break my heart.  I say all that to say, I do love teaching! 

Right now though....I hate it!  Not the job, not my class...still love that.  I just HATE dropping Ellie off everyday. 

I had a breakdown before I left for school yesterday and we didn't even take her to the babysitter.  I cried almost the entire way to school and then kept on crying in the teacher's lounge once I got there.  Ellie has another ear infection and upper respiratory infection.  I stayed home with her Tuesday and Barry stayed with her Wednesday because I just couldn't take her to daycare.  She isn't running a temp and is actually quite smiley and happy.  I just hate that she doesn't get one on one attention all day. 

If I could stay home, I'd give my notice tomorrow.  OK...I would have given my notice on January 21st!  But, it's just not possible.  As much as I want it to, it just isn't going to happen.  I knew it would be hard, but I thought it might get easier to leave her each day.  Well, let me tell you....it hasn't!  It has gotten harder. 

Our babysitter isn't a problem.  We do like her and she came with great references.  She takes good care of Ellie and I know she is safe.  BUT, she's not me.  She's not giving her 100% of her attention.  She's not spending her day with just Ellie.  And ya know what...even if she was...she wouldn't be me. 

So right now I'm counting down.  I'm counting down the number of days until I'll be able to spend my days with my sweet baby girl.  I'm counting down the days until I wake up and don't have to rush around getting myself and Ellie ready to leave the house.  I'm counting down the days until I can sit and watch her sleep in the mornings.  I'm counting down the days until I can play with her on the floor during the day.  Until we can go for walks in the morning before it gets too hot.  I'm counting down the days until we can splash in the pool to cool off.  I'm counting down the days until I can spend my days watching my baby girl smile. 

(courtesy google images)

Those 20 days speed by fast enough!