Friday, February 26, 2010
Is anyone else glad the week is over? I sure am. I wasn't feeling well today. I thought I was getting the flu like a few of the kids in my class have, but I think AF is just being mean to me this month. I'm feeling better tonight. Just really tired.
We had our friends over for dinner and had a really good time. We had a great conversation. These are the friends who have adopted. They have been where we are and have been the most amazing supporters during this journey! We don't know what our next step will be. We are considering all of our options. We have not decided to stop treatments and start the adoption process. We are just praying for God to guide us and we know He will.
Thanks again for all your sweet comments. They mean the world to me!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I can't just go drink a bottle of wine, get "busy" with my husband and get pregnant. I can't just stop thinking about "it" and "it" will happen. I can't just go away on a vacation and come back magically pregnant. I can't just keep trying for 15 years and then decide to adopt and bam, I'm pregnant (I don't have 15 years! ha). Maybe if I drink enough margaritas I'll get pregnant. Or better yet, if I just get drunk, that will work. I know...I just need to relax. But, the best one that someone said to my friend is this..."there seem to be a lot of women who do me.th that get pregnant." Seriously??? Start doing me.th so you can get pregnant?? Right...who cares if I can keep my job or house. I will have a baby. I might be living in a van down by the river, but by golly I will have a baby.
What are some of the silliest suggestions people have given you on what you can do to get pregnant?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
This is a sweet award because it recognizes bloggers who display a positive attitude. I know I don't always do that, but I really try to do my best. I think it's only natural to have times when we are negative, after all this is a tough road. Thanks for thinking I deserve this award Stacey.
Here is the award followed by the rules:
- Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
- Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
- Link the nominees within your post.
- Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
- Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.
Here are the women who continually encourage me with their positive and beautiful posts. You have amazing attitudes!
Faith at Walk With Me By Faith
Tiffany at The Pifer's Journey Through Infertility
S.I.F. at Single Infertile Female
DeniFay at Making Our Troxclair Family
Megan at Infertile Myrtle
Hillary at Making Me Mom
Jodi at Life is Now
Becky at Day by Day
Tammy at Tammy's Journey
Baby Wanted at Her Womb, Our Hearts
Congratulations ladies and thanks for being a source of encouragement to me!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Lately I've been thinking and asking myself, "How long do we continue to do this?" We are not wealthy by any means. This all comes out of our pockets...and let me tell you our pockets are not deep. It's not just the money aspect either. I'm 38 and will be 39 in July. I don't feel old and I don't think that's old by normal standards, but by fertility standards, I'm not a spring chicken.
Something else that has really been on my mind a lot lately is adoption. I have always wanted to adopt. I know that might sound odd to some of you, but it's true. When I was dating my husband, I asked him if he would be willing to adopt because it is something I feel so passionate about. I do not believe that my family needs to be created with biological chidlren. I know that some women really want that and I don't think that is wrong. I think if that is how another woman feels then that is right for her. I just don't personally HAVE to have a biological child. I do have that need to be a mother. But, I think that I can become a mother withouth carrying a baby.
I say all that to explain that lately I have been praying. I have been praying for God's guidance in how our journey needs to continue. My prayers have changed. Instead of asking to become pregnant, I am asking God to guide us in the way He feels is the best way for us to grow our family. I have had too many experiences lately that point toward adoption to totally look the other way. I question if that is God telling me that adoption is our road or if it is just that I am seeking out adoption stories. I don't want to miss what God is telling me. I don't want to be so focused on conceiving a baby that I miss out on something truly wonderful through adoption. I want to listen to God. I want to believe that He knows what is best for our family.
It is actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. We have some wonderful friends who tried for years to get pregnant and were finally told it wasn't going to happen. After that disappointment they adopted a baby girl. She is now four years old and is the most amazing child! I can look at their family and know how perfect she is for their family. Without infertility that our dear friends struggled with, this precious child would not be in theirs. She would not be their daughter. So when I begin to question God, I only have to remember what a great plan he had for my friends.
We also have another couple that we go to church with that we have become friends with. I have become good friends with L and we talk about this subject quite a bit. She has been so helpful and a great listener. They also struggled with infertility for a few years. They were not able to get pregnant either. They chose to grow their family through fostering to adopt. They now have four of the most wonderful children that are a blessing to their faimly. They will finalize the final adoption next month. I look at their family and think, "WOW...God really knows what He is doing." If this couple would have conceived a child they would not be parents to these four children. How could they not be a part of their family?
I read stories like this on blogs everyday and hear of other stories like this all the time. These stories make me trust God more each day. Even though I am disappointed that I am not yet a mom, I know that one day I will be. I know that one day I will have a story to share. I know that God is writing that story right now. I can't wait to see how my story ends.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The weather forecasters had been prediction a chance of snow all week...around 2-4 inches in our area. That's a big deal here in Texas. I got up early Thursday morning so I could leave for my ultrasound. My RE is about an hour away from my house and I knew that a little snow would make driving crazy and slow. I got about halfway there and the snow was coming down like crazy. The roads still weren't too bad though so I made it there on time. My ultrasound was great! I had two follicles this month...wooohooo...and they were measuring at 22 and 23. My lining was also perfect. I was told that everything looked about as perfect as it could. We scheduled my insemination for Saturday morning.
I drove back to school and the snow was already starting to pile up. Of course my kindergarteners were wild. Not only did we have a Valentine's Day party scheduled for the afternoon, but it was SNOWING!!! I think I was just as excited as the kids. An email was sent out that we didn't need to get our hopes up, we would not be having an early dismissal. That was at about 10:30. When I got back to my class after lunch, just an hour later, I had an email that we would be dismissing at 1:30 and we could start calling parents to pick up their kids. It was really snowing! Even as a girl who grew up in Michigan, I was excited about the snow. We also had a late start schedule for Friday.
I left school at 1:30 and had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up my Nova.rel. I went through the dive-thru and then headed to Kroger. When I got to Kroger, I took my prescription out of the bag. It didn't seem right. It was a pre-filled vial. The nova.rel is something I have to mix together. I looked at the label and it was Ovi.drel. Eeeek!!! That is what I took the first month and didn't ovulate. I freaked out. I called the RE and told the receptionist what I had received. She said yes, you just inject it into your stomach. I told her I knew that, but had no intention of using it because it didn't work. Of course then I had to wait for the nurse to call me back. When she did, she apologized and said they had called in the wrong thing. No kidding! Now they would call in the correct injection to a specialty pharmacy since it has to be ordered and they would deliver it to me the next day. This also meant we had to put our insemination off until Sunday. Which of course freaked me out. I mean if the best day to do it was Saturday, does it make a difference that we are waiting a day? She assured me that it would not matter. What else is she going to say?????
THe next morning we woke up to 8 inches of snow and schools were cancelled all around us. I talked to the specialty pharmacy and they informed me they could not deliver my meds due to the weather. I was freaking out! My sweet husband who works in Dallas offered to get it on his way into work. He went in late because of the roads. He prevented a meltdown. Friday night after he got home, we went to visit Barry's brother and his family. The kids had their last basketball games of the year and we wanted to see them all play. They had games Friday night and Saturday morning. It was just an overnight trip, but so worth it! We had a great time!
Sunday morning didn't start off well. The window on the car stuck when I rolled it down to get the dew off of it. That caused a minor fight. ha! We switched vehicles and were on our way. When we went in for our insemination we got great news...B's sperm count was way up!! Wooohoo! Maybe this will be our month. Maybe we will have a reason to celebrate Valentine's Day from now on! Now I'll just try to stay calm during this 2ww.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Here are the rules for the award:
~Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
~Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
~Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.
~Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blog.
I'm not sure I can come up with seven more things about myself, but I will try to give you a few.
1. I'll start with something somewhat personal. I had a breast reduction 7 years ago. I was a DDD and believe me it wasn't pretty. I was much thinner than I am now too so it was CRAZY!! I had terrible back pain, poor posture and my bra straps just dug into my shoulders all the time. I was miserable! I had enough and went to a plastic surgeon and scheduled the surgery and had those babies taken care of. 1.5 pounds was removed from each breast. I told you they were big! ha! It is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. It was worth the pain after the surgery!!
2. I am a gum chewing fool. I love gum. I chew it all the time. Even during the day when I am teaching, I chew gum. It's not allowed for the students, but I just can't help myself. I buy the big packs and go through them way too fast.
3. When I go to sleep, I must have a fan going. I started sleeping with a fan during college and have never seemed to get away from it. When we were first married, it would drive my husband crazy. Now he is used to it and will turn the fan on if I get into bed first and forget. I love him for that!
4. Friday, I got an i.Phone. I love it!! I don't know what I did without it. Ok...I know that is a bit extreme, but I truly do LOVE it. I'm excited about all the free apps I can download. So much fun! I downloaded one that is a sound machine...I am thinking I might like the sound of rain better than my fan. I'll keep you posted.
5. My 3.5 year old black lab is a mamma's boy. I had him before I got married and it was just the two of us so he was always with me. I took him running, on errands and all over. He would follow me around my house when he was a puppy and now that he's a big dog, he does the same thing. The thing that I love about him is I can be gone for 10 minutes or 10 days...it doesn't matter...he's always sooooo happy to see me no matter how long it's been.
6. I have baby fine/thin hair. I hate it!! And I do mean HATE! I'm a natural blonde, but my hair is not full and beautiful. I have tried all sorts of products and nothing really does the trick. It is stick straight and blah. I don't think it helps that I have had a very hard time finding a stylist that I love since I've moved to Texas. I loved my stylist in Michigan. She was the best! If anyone has any tips or product suggestions, bring it on!
7. I'm a talker! It's true. I like to talk. Don't get me wrong, I am a good listener too, but I just am very outgoing and have no problem talking to complete strangers. I'm not shy around people I don't know so it makes it easy to talk to them.
Well, that was easier than I thought. Guess it comes from being a talker. :)
Now I would like to nominate the following amazing ladies:
Anne at The Makings of Baby Otsie
Sam at Little Dragon Fruit
Shellie from Salza Family
Jennifer at Blonde Ambition
Andrea at Life, Love & Pursuit of Our Fairytale
Melissa at Spending Time With You...
Friday, February 5, 2010
I am supposed to list ten things about myself. Here they are in no particular order...
1. I'm bossy! Just ask my husband. BUT, in my defense, I do teach kindergarten and those kids need to be bossed. I feel like I am telling little people what to do all day and then when I come home, I just can't stop myself. I keep doing the same thing, only with my poor husband. Now sometimes, I do think he needs bossing. ha! But, sometimes it is just me, being me. This is something I definitely need to work on.
2. I LOVE popcorn. I could seriously eat it every. single. day of the week. I often have it for dinner. Now, I don't make microwave popcorn. I have a stove top popcorn maker and make it on the stove with oil. It is delicious!! My dog also likes it. It is one of the only human foods I feed him. He started eating it when he was a puppy. I throw it to him and he catches it. Yep, we are freaks!
3. I met my wonderful husband on the internet. True story! We met on a christian singles site and after a couple months of talking online and on the phone, he flew to Michigan to visit me. Then I flew to visit him and back and forth we flew. After 9months of this, I moved to Texas. He tried to find a job in Michigan, but the economy there was so bad that he couldn't. There are lots of teaching jobs in Texas and I didn't really even have to look. Barry had connections. I moved here in August and we continued to date and then got married in November. He is absolutely the most wonderful man I've ever known. He makes me laugh all the time! I am so thankful he is my partner and truly my best friend in this fun and crazy life. I wouldn't have it any other way. I thank God for sending him to me everyday. I am truly a lucky girl!
4. I teach kindergarten. Many of you probably know that. I love what I do. I have taught all grades k-5 and moved back to kindergarten after teaching 4th and 5th grades for several years. I was tired of all the craziness that goes with standardized testing. Don't get me wrong, my students always scored well on the tests, I just think the pressure is too great. Not just for the teachers, but also the kids. I also missed the little ones. Most of them love school and love learning. It's so wonderful to be the one to teach kids all the beginning literacy stuff they need to learn. My group this year is already reading. I love it!!
5. There is nothing better to drink than a Diet Cherry Limeade from Sonic. I grew up in Michigan and we didn't have Sonic, but every time we would visit family in the south, we would go to Sonic. I always wanted a Sonic in Michigan! They now have one. Not long after I moved, they opened one. My family gets to reap the benefits of that quite often and at least I have a nice treat when I go for a visit now.
6. I went to a christian college...well two to be exact. I transferred from Michigan Christian College (now Rochester College) to Harding University. College was the most wonderful experience for me. I had the BEST time and made some absolutely wonderful friends. I am so thankful that I have a relationship with God. Being a christian is so very important to me.
7. I once swallowed a rabbit's tail. Go ahead and laugh...it is pretty funny...and a bit gross too. I was just a kid and my dog had killed a rabbit in our back yard. I cleaned up the tail and would carry it around with me. It was easier than a rabbit's foot. ha! Well, I was blowing on it and my sister came up behind me and scared me and I inhaled sharply and that stupid tail went right down my throat.
8. Birds terrify me. I have had several bad bird experiences that involve swooping and pecking as well as watching The Birds at a young age. All of these things combined have not made me a lover of birds. My husband used to make fun of me about this when we were dating. That's until he was with me when a bad bird experience occurred. He doesn't make fun of me so much anymore.
9. I love, love, love clean sheets. There is nothing better than getting into my bed with clean sheets. I could just sleep forever on them. I could wash my sheets everyday, but I think that might be over the top.
10. My Dyson vacuum has changed my life!! I ♥ my Dyson! It takes me so much less time than it did before to vacuum my house. It works great on carpet, hardwood and tile. I have a black lab that sheds a TON and it sucks his hair right up!! It is easy to push and the attachments are amazing as well!!
I guess that's about it. Hopefully my quirky ways don't scare you off!
I'd like to give this award to the following ladies. Just copy the award from my page and tell your readers ten things about yourself.
Kristy from Sticking Together and Beating Chiari. One Day at a Time
Courtney from The Yerkes Life
Katie from Come Rain or Come Shine
Stacey from Stacey's Thoughts on Infertility
Monday, February 1, 2010
It's hard to get that negative result and then confirmation when AF arrives. I shared with a friend that this can be one of the most joy sucking experiences of my life. I don't usually let many things get me down. I am a happy person. I love life. I trust God's plan. Don't get me wrong, I still do. It's just that this can be very tough. I never want to get to the point where I am not my normal self. I don't want to lose faith in God, I don't want to lose my joy in life. I want to continue to believe that God's plan is better than mine. I need to believe that He knows the end result and even though the path may not be smooth to get there, the desitantion will be more than worth it.
So, I let myself cry and have my time of just being sad that things aren't working out the way I want them to. But, then I took some time to pray and also remind myself that yes, this is tough, but it will be worth it. I will learn things along the way that will either make me stronger, or allow me to help someone else. There is a reason for this crazy journey. I know there is. That doesn't mean I have to like it, but I do think it means I have to trust God and allow Him to lead me. I will not let infertility break me. I will not let this turn me into a person I am not. I am not going to be bitter and angry. I just can't become that kind of person. It's not who I am.