We decided to take the month of March off from TTC. Did I already mention that? Maybe so, but I can't remember and don't feel like scrolling through old posts to check. :) This is a busy month for us and we just feel like we need some time off. We are going to be out of town and my mom is also coming for a week to visit. I didn't want her entire visit to be about doctor appointments and all that sort of stuff.
I want to be able to spend the week with my mom and enjoy having her here. I haven't seen her since July when I was in Michigan and I've missed her so much. My mom is such an amazing woman! She has been so supportive during all of our infertility craziness. She never pushes or asks too many questions. She respects our need for privacy and knows how important that is to us. My mom listens when I need to talk or vent about how sick I am of not having a baby yet, but she then offers words of encouragement. She reminds me when I need reminders that God is great and He has wonderful plans for our family. She tells me that no matter how our family is created, we will be blessed.
We also need a break because we just need a break. Does that make sense? We need to stop focusing on having a baby for just a month and just focus on us and our lives outside of the baby making business. We need to talk and decide where we are in this process. Are we going to continue with treatments or are we going to pursue adoption? We need to make the tough decisions. We need to make those decisions and feel confident that they are the right decisions. We can't look back. We need to have peace about our decision and know that God is guiding us. That's hard! I struggle with this everyday. I pray about it and ask God to tell me what to do. Unfortunately, He's not going to knock on my door and give me the answer I am looking for.
While I do believe God guides us, I also think He gives us free will to make our own decisions. I think that He wants us to follow Him and love Him, but that many of our day to day choices are just that, OUR choices. While making decisions, I must make sure my choices go hand in hand with what I know God wants for me. Are the choices I am making something He would be proud of? Does my life show that I am a Christ Follower? If I allow my life to be the kind of life God wants it to be, I know I can't go wrong with the decisions I make. By doing those things, I know he will guide me towards what is right for us.
I don't think God wanted me to struggle with infertility. I don't think He made me infertile. I think that in this imperfect world, bad things can happen to good people. I do believe though that God expects me to praise Him no matter what. No matter the circumstances of my life, He wants me to praise Him. That's tough sometimes. It's hard to trust that God knows best, but He does. And even though I may not like this situation, and I don't, I will still praise Him. Because even in the worst of times, He is so good to me.
So while I'm on this TTC break, I am going to spend more time with God. I am going to spend quiet moments with Him. I am going to ask Him big questions. I am going to pray for guidance. But, most importantly I will praise Him.