Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Taking a Break

We decided to take the month of March off from TTC.  Did I already mention that?  Maybe so, but I can't remember and don't feel like scrolling through old posts to check.  :)  This is a busy month for us and we just feel like we need some time off.  We are going to be out of town and my mom is also coming for a week to visit.  I didn't want her entire visit to be about doctor appointments and all that sort of stuff. 

I want to be able to spend the week with my mom and enjoy having her here.  I haven't seen her since July when I was in Michigan and I've missed her so much.  My mom is such an amazing woman!  She has been so supportive during all of our infertility craziness.  She never pushes or asks too many questions.  She respects our need for privacy and knows how important that is to us.  My mom listens when I need to talk  or vent about how sick I am of not having a baby yet, but she then offers words of encouragement.  She reminds me when I need reminders that God is great and He has wonderful plans for our family.  She tells me that no matter how our family is created, we will be blessed. 

We also need a break because we just need a break.  Does that make sense?  We need to stop focusing on having a baby for just a month and just focus on us and our lives outside of the baby making business.  We need to talk and decide where we are in this process.  Are we going to continue with treatments or are we going to pursue adoption?  We need to make the tough decisions.  We need to make those decisions and feel confident that they are the right decisions.  We can't look back.  We need to have peace about our decision and know that God is guiding us.  That's hard!  I struggle with this everyday.  I pray about it and ask God to tell me what to do.  Unfortunately, He's not going to knock on my door and give me the answer I am looking for. 

While I do believe God guides us, I also think He gives us free will to make our own decisions.  I think that He wants us to follow Him and love Him, but that many of our day to day choices are just that, OUR choices.  While making decisions, I must make sure my choices go hand in hand with what I know God wants for me.  Are the choices I am making something He would be proud of?  Does my life show that I am a Christ Follower?  If I allow my life to be the kind of life God wants it to be, I know I can't go wrong with the decisions I make.  By doing those things, I know he will guide me towards what is right for us. 

I don't think God wanted me to struggle with infertility.  I don't think He made me infertile.  I think that in this imperfect world, bad things can happen to good people.  I do believe though that God expects me to praise Him no matter what.  No matter the circumstances of my life, He wants me to praise Him.  That's tough sometimes.  It's hard to trust that God knows best, but He does.  And even though I may not like this situation, and I don't, I will still praise Him.  Because even in the worst of times, He is so good to me. 

So while I'm on this TTC break, I am going to spend more time with God.  I am going to spend quiet moments with Him.  I am going to ask Him big questions.  I am going to pray for guidance.  But, most importantly I will praise Him.


Courtney said...

Awesome post! I'm praying for God to guide you and your husband and show you the next steps.

Deni said...

Beautiful post! Yes, I understand the needing a break, and wanting to praise God through everything, but that not meaning that you like the situation that you're in!! I'll be praying for clarity for you friend!!

Jennifer said...

actually, there are no good people, but regardless, you're exactly right. God did not intend for us to be infertile. things in this fallen life are not the way they're supposed to be. But there is hope! One day all of our tears will be wiped away! and evil things like IF will no longer exist. yay!!

Sarah said...

Great post :) I think you are doing a smart thing by taking a break and reflecting on things. God is Good.:) Enjoy the special time with your mom too!

Faith said...

Ah, yes, the needed break. Enjoy it! I always loved my breaks, and now that we are adopting, I had a break ALL the time! It is quite nice! Good luck. Oh, and my mom is in MI too and just visited a couple of weeks ago:). Take care!!!

twondra said...

You're amazing girl! I love your attitude so much!

Praying for you. Enjoy the break and time with your mom. (((HUGS)))

J said...

I think a well neaded break is always helps keep your sanity! Enjoy your break and I will be praying along with you!

I updated my post because an adoption hater left me a mean message saying we were fake for having someone else write our letter. I'm glad it gave you a better understanding.

Amy Prikazsky said...

You are so so true! I’m sorry that you are going through this infertility journey. My husband and I have been going through it for the last 2 years….It took me a long time to come to a place where I’m actually thankful for this trial. You are so right about God wanting and expecting us to praise Him in the good or bad. I’m so glad you posted this because it really touched me. Please know that I am praying for you and your husband. Keep pressing on !

I just found your blog and love it! I’m now a follower!


Stacey said...

Oh, yes. Sometimes those breaks are so very necessary. I hope you will enjoy this month and this time you'll spend with your hubby, your mom, and your Savior. LOVE your next-to-last paragraph, Jennifer. So well said. You show such amazing strength and faith through this tough situation. I admire you so much. Prayers & hugs! Enjoy your break.

Fertility Chick said...

Thank you for all of your kind words on my blog! A break can be such a blessing in it's own way. Looking back on the months I had to take off, I actually don't regret it at all. I hope that you have a wonderful visit with your mom (she sounds amazing!). Your attitude is awesome!!

Sunny said...

Jennifer, thank you so much for following my blog and our journey. Your sweet words mean a tremendous deal to me. We are in this tough time right now and I have to say that the pic of the adirondack chairs make me say, "take me there!!!". :) I looove the beach and that looks like the perfect place to pray, read a great book, and enjoy the creation and splendor of such an awesome God. I wish you peace and discernment on your journey. I noticed you mentioned adoption in your post and wanted to say that surrogacy is also an option. I think it's not as talked about as adoption, so sometimes not everyone knows about it. We have chosen that route as a way to be a part of our pregnancy and our child's life from birth. It's wonderful! If you ever had any questions or wanted to know more about the process, please feel free to contact me. Certainly adoption is an AWESOME thing and some people know that that is their path. If you guys find that moving on to the next step is needed, I pray all the best for you both! Btw, you guys are a mighty handsome couple! :)

BabyFeverBlog said...

Your mom sounds incredibly supportive, enjoy your time with her! I totally understand needing a break and took a few myself while we were TTC. Good luck facing those difficult decisions and allowing God to be your guide. I'll be thinking about you!

Julie said...

I know this is an old post...but I'm leaving a new comment! There is so much wisdom in what you just wrote. We struggled with infertility for 5 years. I truly believe, that although God didn't cause it...he allowed it. In those times He showed me more truths about Himself that I could have never known had I been able to "pop" babies out like everyone else. He also gave us a complete heart for adoption. Looking back, from where we are now, I am so thankful for those years. I know that sounds "cliche" now that we have children..but it is so true. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly what you are feeling.
I made Psalm 73:25-26 my own during those dark days.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Praying that He will be the strength of your heart as you continue on your journey.

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